Here is some errors and the requirement in the two paperResearch essay outline
Causes and effects of Nursing in Canada
Thesis: Nursing shortages in Canada are due to the following: the(adj) nursing workforce,
(adj)workload and environment, and organizational structures and management systems.
I.
There is a significant change(more specific) in the nursing workforce in Canada.
1. There is a decreasing workforce in the enrolments of nursing courses in Canada.
a) This has been evident for some time now (Roche, Michael, Heather Spence, Christine
Duffield, 2015).
b) However, these enrolments have increased since 2002 and this (will be known)? if
(unclear)there will be the same changes as the time goes by (Roche, Michael, Heather
Spence, Christine Duffield, 2015).
c) The experience in the nursing profession is further taken to other industries for it is a
valuable asset (Laschinger & Heather Spence, 2014).
Emphasis: (Due to the increase in demand for nurses), my point is not about demand is an
increase in the expertise wanted and needed to fill these spaces.
2. T(he numbers of the working nurses who are old and are retiring fast living)(phrasing) a
gap behind which has become very hard to fill.
a) Most of the nursing workforce is Canada is 40 years of age or even above (Roche,
Michael, Heather Spence, Christine Duffield, 2015).
b) These nurses are retiring in (bigger) numbers than (how the other nurses) phrasing are
enrolling (Roche, Michael, Heather Spence, Christine Duffield, 2015).
c) Most of the experienced staff are retiring living their posts with either inexperienced
staff or leave an empty post (Doran, Diane, 2014).
Emphasis: The number of the old age in the nursing sector is increasing in number and this is
because{most of the young people are not learning to nurse anymore. They have shifted to other
professions which are paying better.}is this the correct emphasis to match the preceding
support ?emphases retirement
3. Most of the people whether in the nursing workforce or those who have not joined yet are
changing their profession.
a) Due to the increase in experience and high qualifications in clinical management,
(way)they are very marketable in other industries hence living the nursing jobs
(Laschinger, Heather Spence, 2014).
b) There are also multiple career options that they (who)opt to for and leave the nursing
profession (Laschinger, Heather Spence, 2014).
c) Better paying jobs have come up and this makes the experienced staff leave the
nursing profession to join the other professions (Doran, Diane, 2014).
Emphasis: Most of the nurses are learning management and moving to other industries because
the profession is more marketable.
II.
The workload and the environment where the nurses are working are also another cause
of them leaving the nursing workforce
1. Unacceptable and also unsafe working environments are major results of nurses leaving
the profession.
a) Bullying and harassment are unacceptable behaviours in any working environment.
(connect to nursing)
b) The increase of these bullying result to nurses looking for another profession (Doran,
Diane, 2014).
c) The bullying and harassment can also cause stress leading to violence in the-the job
place (Roche, Michael, Heather Spence, Christine Duffield, 2015).
Emphasis: most people will practice a profession mostly for financial rewards (does not related).
The evidence on poor rewards in the nursing workforce has led to the institutions losing their
staffs.
2. Most of the complain from the nurses in Canada are on excessive workload.
a) Many of the nurses complain about the workload which exceeds their capacity to
do the work (Baumann et al. 2011; Fagin, 2015).
b) Others complain about the lack of recognition from the administrative staff
(Baumann et al. 2011; Fagin, 2015).
c) Any professional will want to make money from his or her workload (Doran,
Diane, 2014) (is this about overtime pay?)
Emphasis: Due to the shortages in the nursing workforce the institutions have increased the shifts
and introduced over time. This is because the increasing number of people in the hospital is
increasing each day. The workload is becoming heavy and hard.
3. When there is a shortage of staffs there is an increase in workload to the remaining staff.
a) The result of the increase in workload leads to the introduction of overtime or
even double shifts (Prescott, Megan & Mark Nichter, 2014).
b) This also leads to the loss of control over the staff`s work life (Prescott, Megan &
Mark Nichter, 2014).
c) This finally results to other nurses leaving the practice and opting for other
profession (Doran, Diane, 2014).
Emphasis: Most of the staffs complain about the (workload) due to the other nurses leaving their
jobs. These also have led to the remaining staff looking for another option.
III.
The organizational structure at nursing in Canada also is another factor.
1) Organizational structures will lead to losing of experienced staff.
a) The organizational structure in Canada in the hospital is a major issue (Roche,
Michael, Heather Spence, Christine Duffield, 2015).
b) Reconstructing on these institutions result to low staff morale and also cause
diminishing loyalty to these organizations (Roche, Michael, Heather Spence,
Christine Duffield, 2015).
c) An increase in the units will mean more supervision and this will result to other nurse
leaving the profession (Roche, Michael, Heather Spence, Christine Duffield, 2015).
Emphasis: {The reconstruction of more institutions has led to lowering of experienced and most
important staffs to other institutions. }is this about hospital? health care? (unclear)
2) The loss of the professionals is not only in the nursing workforce but also in other
professions.
a) The construction of wards and units is leading to the loss of experienced staffs
and increase of more daily death mortality (Roche, Michael, Heather Spence,
Christine Duffield, 2015).
b) Trust and also loyalty has also been lost due to the reconstruction of these wards
and units (Roche, Michael, Heather Spence, Christine Duffield, 2015).
c) For every profession the main motivation is money. If an employer is not paying
his or her workers well the workers will move to another employer (Prescott,
Megan, Mark Nichter, 2014).(repetition)
Emphasis: the increase in the wards and units has led more workload to the nurses. This has led
to the introduction of surveillance on the wards to monitor their activities. At the end of it all,
most of them lose morale and leave the profession.
3) This division of the structure has put the nurses on a silo. (what does this mean)
a) By placing them(who) into a silo has led to mini-fiefdom that cannot be avoided
in competing with other resources (Prescott, Megan & Mark Nichter 2014).
b) The nurses in different departments are responsible for the functions of their
departments (Roche, Michael, Heather Spence, Christine Duffield, 2015).
c) These nurses face several challenges and are supposed to be allowed to make
decision according to the issue at hand (Prescott, Megan, Mark Nichter, 2014).
Emphasis: every profession is supposed to work in a field where (he) is competent. When one is
given a task where he or she is not familiar with it becomes a problem to do his or her duties as
required. In the nursing, this can lead to a high mortality rate of the patients. (connect to the main
point (these)
Research Paper Evaluation Criteria ELD 092
Organization – 725
Introduction with clear thesis statement
Thesis has focused topic, controlling idea, + main supporting points
Readers and purpose clearly defined
Main points are significant / distinct / relevant
Appropriate order of points
Essay is coherent – a unified whole with paragraphs linked to each other
Conclusion – sums up/restates thesis
Content
135
Interesting – grabber / clincher / examples and other support
Supporting details are appropriate and relevant
Sufficient information is given to clarify background and support points
A variety of types of support are used
Quotations / paraphrases are relevant and significant
Importance of quotations / paraphrases is clearly explained
Information from outside sources is documented
Quotations are not more than 10% of the essay
Language Use
135
Grammar
o major structural errors affecting meaning and clarity
SV, SF, CS, Par, TS, PnnRef. Struct, Other
minor errors-TC, num, Form, other
ESL errors -art, prep, word choice, unidiomatic usage
Transitions – sentence to sentence continuity / cohesion
Complexity / variety of sentence structures
Diction – varied and appropriate word selection – richness of vocabulary
Language level and tone – appropriate for style of essay
Mechanics – punctuation, spelling, capitalization
Format/Documentation
15
Citations / quotations -introduced and integrated correctly
Works Cited – alphabetical, accurate
MLA format
125
Research Essay Checklist
The following is a list of questions you can answer to make sure that you have met the
requirements for your research essay. Ask someone to use this list to proofread your paper.
1. Have you stated your thesis clearly in your introductory paragraph? Do you think that your
introductory paragraph will interest your readers?
2. Do your body paragraphs have clear topics?
3. Do your body paragraphs support your thesis?
4. Do you feel that you offer enough support for your ideas or arguments (examples,
explanations, statistics, etc.)?
5. Have you cited your sources (articles, books, etc) accurately using the MLA citation form?
You need to include both in-text citations and a complete Works Cited list at the end of the
paper. Have you used enough sources: 4-6?
6. Have you made sure that when you quote or paraphrase you have cited your sources
(articles and/or interview)? Remember that if you have not done this, it is plagiarism. Also
remember to introduce your quotations and make sure they fit grammatically with the rest of
the sentence
7. Have you made sure that you have introduced and commented on your quotations and
paraphrases?
8. Do you feel that your conclusion is effective?
9. Is your essay approximately 1000-1200 words?
ave you edited carefully, checking for accuracy of grammar and mechanics (spelling
unctuation, paragraphing)?
1. Please include printed copies of your sources (magazine articles, etc.) and all previous work
that you did to prepare your paper.
ssing thesis
Intro
Hook)
controling idea for every
Point 1 Point 2 with
the Qaulation explanation
Lintro).
n. form.
Hook,
/ connection.
THESIS
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